Melancholy....
Yep I haven't posted lately I noticed, don't really feel like emailing people, just want to go to bed and pull the covers over my head but I can't sleep .... I'm tired but still up... people are annoying the .... out of me. What is wrong with me????
I know that Sept 1st is creeping up on me and maybe that is why. A year since mom passed away. In some ways the year has gone by quickly, in other ways it feels like so long ago. The memories of that day are still very close to the surface but my memories of mom as mom seem so far away. I would really prefer the memories of mom as my mom be close to the surface and not the other way around!! But we don't always get what we want (at least that is what I tell my kids all the time).
On Sunday I drove out with dad to Davidson to see the plague/marker (don't really know what you call them) for mom's grave site. It was really nice. My sister and bro in law also joined us. We decided to go into town and see if my Uncle Harold was around. Turned out his son and wife were visiting, so even though Uncle Harold was out at the farm, we got to visit Aunt Joyce, Wes and Evelyn. Hadn't met Evelyn before and it's been AGES since I've seen Wes. Very nice couple and it was nice connecting with them.
Tonight we were over at Dad's to see the marker/plague for my sister, Diana's grave site. Not as fancy and dad was disappointed in it and worrying if it was too big, etc. He is taking it to Edmonton this week to have them install it - 45 years later but better late than never I told dad. I always thought they never did one back then was because they couldn't afford it, turns out they just never got around to it. Go figure on that...
sigh....
Okay, enough wallowing in sadness. Tomorrow I get my hair colored again and that, if nothing else, should brighten my day :-)
- Heather
- I am who I am and loved anyway. I hope we all feel that way. "Much more realistic and important to change something in ourselves than in our lives."
My Favorite Sites
What I have had to say...
- August (1)
- March (12)
- February (5)
- January (1)
- October (1)
- September (3)
- August (1)
- May (1)
- January (1)
- December (2)
- October (1)
- September (3)
- July (2)
- May (1)
- March (1)
- February (1)
- January (2)
- December (1)
- November (3)
- October (4)
- September (1)
- August (5)
- July (1)
- June (6)
- May (2)
- April (3)
- March (1)
- February (5)
- January (6)
- December (4)
- November (3)
- October (3)
- September (5)
- August (3)
- July (5)
- June (7)
- May (5)
- April (2)
- March (5)
- February (5)
- January (6)
- December (5)
- November (5)
- October (7)
- September (5)
- August (7)
- July (9)
- June (10)
- May (7)
1 comment:
Heather, I can identify with the idea of memories of mom as mom being so far away. I guess the difference is that mine really are from long ago and far away. What really bugs me is that I sometimes wonder if the memories I have are sort of manufactured, you know, like from family stories, photographs, etc. What I would really like to remember is just a "day in the life" Yesterday I was bonding a bit with David after a long difficult summer for him. He has really stayed out of my way lately, not probably on purpose, I hope, but just by staying up late or out late and then sleeping when I am around in the a.m. Anyway we have been connecting quite a bit this week, as of course, he is leaving day after tommorrow....And it made me think about some of my favorite, being with mom as an adult (eg. about 19, David's age) memories and they were mostly stuff like going shopping in the Bi-rite because it was the only thing open after supper, or watching old movies on CBC on Friday nights. I know those are real memories. I wonder what Mum would have made of Wal-mart???I know the kids must think I am morbid, but I often have thoughts like: "what if this is what they choose to remember? (such as me screaming or having a meltdown?) YOu cannot choose what your kids will remember about you (another reason to be nice every day, hey?) and maybe you can't even choose what you remember about your own mother--childhood being what it is--focussed on your own self. I guess we just have to grab the memories we can and hold on tight!!!
Thinkin' of ya, D
p.s. just got home from having a temporary crown put on my broken tooth, mouth still frozen and I have to go back to work in 45 min, should hopefully be thawed by then. eating supper should be fun...See ya!
Post a Comment