Woke up to sunshine!! Love it but of course that means I need to plant my rhubard plant and the hosta's I got....must get motivated!! My africian violet though is in bloom again. Last year it bloomed at Mothers Day, this year at Father's Day. It reminded me of last year where it bloomed at Mothers Day, and then quit during the summer, then started blooming after mom passed away - as if to tell me that mom was blooming again, no longer bound by this earthly body but blooming in God's presence. I like that thought. I still get choked up (like now) thinking about mom...I almost lost it at church a couple of weeks ago when we sang Fly to Jesus, the song that my younger sister sang at mom's memorial service. A beautiful song but the picture of Holly singing always comes to me and all the emotions of that time. I wish I had more memories of my mom in the good days, it depresses me that I tend to think of mom in the last days instead of when she was "mom". I remember her hugs, the time my younger brother brought his baby son home when no one knew about Kyle - we are standing there with our mouths open and mom just naturally accepts this news without blinking an eye and picks him up, I see her in the kitchen alot cooking meals, baking cakes - her chocolate sheet cakes - shopping for clothes with her and her wanting to buy shoes, I told her I didn't care what shoes she bought cause she always bought old lady shoes, she informs me she is an old lady and I inform her back that she to me she'll never be an old lady! I remember mom in her garden, sitting watching tv and knitting. I remember a time when we were talking about kids and marraige or something like that, I teased her about what if I had the kid first before the marraige - she said it didn't matter, she'd still love me and the baby, she had a lot of love for her family... I guess if I really think about it, I do have a lot of good memories of mom I just need to work at remembering them. I just wish my children did, they remember her more when the dementia was taking over, they never experienced mom's "grandma love".... Love you mom but I miss you.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Mom and my Africian Violet:
Woke up to sunshine!! Love it but of course that means I need to plant my rhubard plant and the hosta's I got....must get motivated!! My africian violet though is in bloom again. Last year it bloomed at Mothers Day, this year at Father's Day. It reminded me of last year where it bloomed at Mothers Day, and then quit during the summer, then started blooming after mom passed away - as if to tell me that mom was blooming again, no longer bound by this earthly body but blooming in God's presence. I like that thought. I still get choked up (like now) thinking about mom...I almost lost it at church a couple of weeks ago when we sang Fly to Jesus, the song that my younger sister sang at mom's memorial service. A beautiful song but the picture of Holly singing always comes to me and all the emotions of that time. I wish I had more memories of my mom in the good days, it depresses me that I tend to think of mom in the last days instead of when she was "mom". I remember her hugs, the time my younger brother brought his baby son home when no one knew about Kyle - we are standing there with our mouths open and mom just naturally accepts this news without blinking an eye and picks him up, I see her in the kitchen alot cooking meals, baking cakes - her chocolate sheet cakes - shopping for clothes with her and her wanting to buy shoes, I told her I didn't care what shoes she bought cause she always bought old lady shoes, she informs me she is an old lady and I inform her back that she to me she'll never be an old lady! I remember mom in her garden, sitting watching tv and knitting. I remember a time when we were talking about kids and marraige or something like that, I teased her about what if I had the kid first before the marraige - she said it didn't matter, she'd still love me and the baby, she had a lot of love for her family... I guess if I really think about it, I do have a lot of good memories of mom I just need to work at remembering them. I just wish my children did, they remember her more when the dementia was taking over, they never experienced mom's "grandma love".... Love you mom but I miss you.
Woke up to sunshine!! Love it but of course that means I need to plant my rhubard plant and the hosta's I got....must get motivated!! My africian violet though is in bloom again. Last year it bloomed at Mothers Day, this year at Father's Day. It reminded me of last year where it bloomed at Mothers Day, and then quit during the summer, then started blooming after mom passed away - as if to tell me that mom was blooming again, no longer bound by this earthly body but blooming in God's presence. I like that thought. I still get choked up (like now) thinking about mom...I almost lost it at church a couple of weeks ago when we sang Fly to Jesus, the song that my younger sister sang at mom's memorial service. A beautiful song but the picture of Holly singing always comes to me and all the emotions of that time. I wish I had more memories of my mom in the good days, it depresses me that I tend to think of mom in the last days instead of when she was "mom". I remember her hugs, the time my younger brother brought his baby son home when no one knew about Kyle - we are standing there with our mouths open and mom just naturally accepts this news without blinking an eye and picks him up, I see her in the kitchen alot cooking meals, baking cakes - her chocolate sheet cakes - shopping for clothes with her and her wanting to buy shoes, I told her I didn't care what shoes she bought cause she always bought old lady shoes, she informs me she is an old lady and I inform her back that she to me she'll never be an old lady! I remember mom in her garden, sitting watching tv and knitting. I remember a time when we were talking about kids and marraige or something like that, I teased her about what if I had the kid first before the marraige - she said it didn't matter, she'd still love me and the baby, she had a lot of love for her family... I guess if I really think about it, I do have a lot of good memories of mom I just need to work at remembering them. I just wish my children did, they remember her more when the dementia was taking over, they never experienced mom's "grandma love".... Love you mom but I miss you.
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2 comments:
oh Heather, that was beautiful *sniffs*
i'm glad you are focusing on the earlier, happier days with your mom! there are things you brought up that we've never talked about. i knew that your mom was special.. and she was. even during the end time, i'll bet she was the same, inside! thanks for sharing
and i am loving your african violet and the fact you are able to post pictures here!
(( )) n@
I wish we had talked about this more, I should have read this before you came, but I didn't get on here last week.
It bothers me that to my youngest kids my mother isn't really even Grandma, but a person that I talk about sometimes. A few black and white snapshots. Not the wonderful person I knew at all. And of course, how much did I know her? As a woman, hardly at all. I think that we were just starting to go there when she got sick. Just starting to be more like friends. I regret that I had so much to prove and that I was not the nicest person to my mother in my youth. But I think she always understood me. I guess the way I understand my kids. Sometimes they say things and I am thinking how it is the way of youth for them to not quite understand yet. How things are so black and white to the young. Now I understand shades of gray. My mother always forgave me and loved me more than life itself. She gave me the best start she could before she had to go. At least I am sure she knew that. It is a comfort. I am sure your mother took great pleasure in raising such a great family and loving all the children and grandchildren who added to it. I am sure she knew that she did the best job she could while she was here.
I know we don't share all the same beliefs about life and death and religion and afterlife, but what is important is what you believe. I am sure your mother is at peace now and surely she knows how much she was loved and what legacy she left behind. I guess that is what we all hope for. I am so glad that you have sisters and family to share these emotions with. I think as long as we are remembering someone, that a part of them still lives on in us.
Have peace, D
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